Sisterly Support Part 2: My Initial Thoughts After Attending Therapy
I've got to be brutally honest after my first group therapy session I thought to myself, "Nah man…*inserts multiple swear words* This is not for me." I didn't like sitting in a circle alongside strangers and having to talk, it made feel stupid for even going.
In my mind group therapy was a mixture of a cringey camping retreat and an AA (Alcohol Anonymous) meeting and somewhere my anti-self would rather not be!
I'll jump back to end of 2017. After waiting for 3 years on a waiting list for this particular programme, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. I received a letter from the NHS telling me that I was at the top of the list. I remember crying and being sure it was a lifeline because I couldn’t see myself going on for any longer, every day just felt harder and harder to finish. However, it took until August for me to actually start the programme. On my particular programme I have therapy twice a week, one day group therapy and on another day one-on-one therapy.
As I mentioned in Part one of the series: Advice for anyone starting DBT I think having a journal and writing your thoughts and feelings down throughout the whole programme is a major key! I go through stages really frequently where I feel very distrusting. So it's no good someone telling me how far I've come. I need to see for myself. Reading my journal entries from last year, especially after my initial therapy sessions, has really opened my eyes and allowed me to see my progress. The glow up is real*
“These therapy sessions at times have been a blur. I was so excited to finally get it that I never thought of any other factors.”
“In my head, I think I thought this was going to be a quick fix.”
“I successfully attended my first group DBT. I was really anxious and thinking of excuses not to attend but I actually made it...”
“A quirky bunch of attendees. But I like that we all have BPD.”
It's important that I tell you this because you need to know the nitty-gritty reality I went through to understand how therapy has saved me and how much you can and will benefit from it. Do you know how many times I had to verbally talk myself into going back to therapy? For weeks on end I had to remind myself about an hour before therapy started that it wasn’t as bad as I was letting myself believe it was.It was like child bribery seriously. I know how you feel and where your head is at!